Writings in the rain…
Ξ October 8th, 2008 | → | ∇ everday, life |
its raining again. its always raining anymore. that’s october for you. its always amused me that if you asked someone to paint a picture of halloween, the trees are bare. eerie spooky looming behemoths, with branches out stretched reaching to pull you in. if you asked someone to draw the same scene at thanksgiving though, somehow the trees miraculously have leaves again. sporting their gold and amber leaves. I suppose it has to do with how we see the world at differet times. cold or warm, alive or dying, lonely or surrounded by love. october and november. fucking november.
I found a notebook today. I suppose I should have thrown it away or tucked it aside in hopes the owner would return momentarily to reclaim their lost possession. but my curiosity got the best of me and I started to read it. to whomever it belongs, im sorry. it was not my place, I know, but I have always had a need to read to learn and to know.
I probably read it 4 or 5 times, each reread catching something new, something I missed before. the 6th time I read it, I had to fight the urge to add my own entries. the pen was in my hand clicking nervously, anticipating the moment when my morals wane and id begin filling the pages with my own text.
and then I stopped, just before id finally give in, and I realized why I wanted to add to the pages. reading them over and over, I saw myself in someone else’s words.
looking at it now, im sure its my notebook. the pages on a lover who hits me, surely I wrote two years ago. the pages about my inability to try something new for fear of failure, I wrote last month. and the pages on addiction, physical and mental alike, I wrote only yesterday.
but they were not my words. it was not my notebook. it was, instead some stranger’s whom I had not met and did not know. the notebook is still here at work, waiting for it’s owner to come. surely the boy who wrote those words will come back for them. they were beautiful not for their prose or meter, but instead for their ability to show me that I am not alone.
who knew october could be so warm…even in the rain.
ps. by some chance happenstance, if you are the owner of said notebook, know that it is safe and sound awaiting your return. and please, don’t give up hope. every moment where I have contemplated quitting, there has been something new that I have found to give me faith. you just have to wait it out.